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Essay mavzusi shu edi:

Human experiences when we were children, or early on in our lives shaped us a lot. Reflecting a lot on that, I call them 'gifts' and 'gaps'.  Gifts being handed to me by my family, a supportive mother, or a chance to get education some of my peers cannot, or food that I am eating everyday, while gaps being things that I didn't have, like a missing parent, abusive community or financial instability. 

 My mom is a Quran scholar, she moves through it every day. She's been reading the same book for decades now and everyday she'll send me a message about a scripture and how it pertains to her life as she sees it in this moment, how it has been and how she thinks it will be. What I found particularly fascinating is that the fact that it is the same book, the same story, yet it keeps meaning different things to her, depending on where she is in her life. And I sometimes think about my life in that way, depending on where I am, where I am going, the same experience reveals the different parts of me, who I am and why I am doing what I am doing. Recently, I have found myself going: So much of how I define myself is through the lens of having or not having particularly because of how I grew up and the challenges I have experienced. It can be seen in the small things, like how I order the food or why I order the food in a way that I do. Once, we went to cafe with my mother and I clearly remember her saying "Do you want hot-dog or do you want a hamburger", and it was such a big choice to make for a mind of a 10-year old because I liked and wanted both, however if I said both, so I was nervous about screwing it up. Thus, I remember promising to myself there that one day I will be rich enough to order both hamburger and hot-dogs. Now, I'm fortunate enough to do so, and I think that ambition or that drive from may childhood to change my life has made me tougher when I see most of my peers giving up. I grew up in a world where I didn't have time, nor the resources to heal and I think for a long time I was confident accepting that as being my world. Because I had to shrug it off, and keep moving. Therefore, most of the times I find myself editing those gaps, especially developing coping mechanisms; thinking it wasn't bad because it was happening to everybody else. Now, all I try to do is acknowledge the hardships, trying my best to eliminate good or bad. Mostly because I realized that everyone is going to have good or bad and I have yet to meet a person who doesn't think some parts of their childhood were tough. Therefore, I just believe that certain things happened, or certain things didn't happen, and because of that I adapted accordingly. I have become stronger, more focused on my goal and most importantly, I learned to be more determined. Although, I am not grateful for the challenges, I am certainly grateful for the values and lessons it has taught me, whilst not glorifying things that happened.